what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
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Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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