Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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