Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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