I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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