If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
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I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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