So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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