I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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