all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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