Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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