I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
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Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize