Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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