I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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