guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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