So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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