Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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