Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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