we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
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Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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