new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize