I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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