Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
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i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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