I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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