I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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