that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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