yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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