Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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