i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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