my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
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