Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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