Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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