she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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