its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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