I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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