you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
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