Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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