This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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