found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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