The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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