So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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