Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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