You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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