I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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