Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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