Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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