forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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