Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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