yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
And then he peed in my hair
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