I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Im just a social blackout drinker.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize