what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
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God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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