once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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