White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize